Silver & Gold - Stories of Friendship

I've never had a lot of friends, especially of the female species. I'm actually an introverted person and it's hard for me to step out of my bubble and share myself with others. I know - shocking huh?  I've come to realize during my soul-searching lately that to be healthy physically, I need to come to terms with the insecurities that got me here in the first place and learn to be healthy emotionally as well. One of the areas I'm working on is friendships. 

My closest friend is someone who has know me all of my life, well since I was 7 months old! Ruth and I first met when we were babies, her babysitter lived across the street from me, so we grew up together. I cherish the friendship I have with Ruth, she knows me better than I know myself. One of the saddest times I had as a child was when her family moved to North Carolina. I was lost without her! They moved back to Kansas as we were heading into our tween/teen years and most weekends were spent at one or the other's house.

Skateboard stars! 

We shared so many adventures and were inseparable. Ruth still knows things about me that no one else ever will. 
As we became young adults we grew apart. We were both so busy living our own lives, falling and failing in love, that we lost track of each other for a while. Yet when we reconnected, it was like we had never been apart. Even now, we can go for months without talking, but I know she is always there for me. The love I have for Ruth can't be measured in words - she is my heart sister. Ruth is the first one to make a donation for the Heart Walk and this means so much to me. What means even more is something she said in an email, "I've been walking on my treadmill as much as my feet and time will let me. It’s a struggle, more than it really ought to be, just haven’t got the habits in place. I read your blog, and that makes it easier."  

I always felt my friendship with Ruth was lopsided, I took more than I gave and I haven't been there for her as much as she has been there for me. Now I feel I can give something back! Ruth lives in Colorado and it's challenging to keep in touch with our busy lives, but I'm determined to change that. Besides I need some new pictures of us together! Maybe hiking in the Rockies! 

Another close friend is Cindy - while Ruth is my heart sister, Cindy is my BFF.  We first met as tour guides at Crumm Castle, circa 1979-1980, though we really didn't get close then.  A few months later we somehow ended up in the same summer school driver's ed class and our friendship grew from there!  Where Ruth was my tomboy, adventurer friend - Cindy was my girly-girl, boy crazy friend. Cindy and I did manage to have some interesting adventures though, and they usually involved boys, probably best I not tell those stories!  

I had mentioned in a previous blog, that I was never wore makeup much - well Cindy seemed determined to change that. She was always fixing my hair and doing my make-up and I went along with it - after all she made me look good!  

On our way to Rocky Horror! 

Cindy and I have shared a lot, maybe too much. You see, Cindy is the friend that married Eugene after we had broke-up. So her ex-husband is my current husband and her son is my step-son. Cindy was our wedding organizer when Eugene and I got married. I know, I know, we should be on an episode of Jerry Springer!  

Cindy & Eugene with baby Nicholas

   

After Cindy and Eugene divorced, she married a great guy and has 2 beautiful daughters.

Another thing we shared is being non-traditional college students and earning our social work degrees while we were raising kids. She later returned to school and is now a special education teacher. I've always admired Cindy's determination to overcome the obstacles that life threw at her and go after her dreams. 

Perhaps the worse thing we shared though is allowing ourselves to get obese and unhealthy. I think for years, we both tried to convince ourselves we were fat and happy and would always be that way.  

At a wedding in 2011

In 2013, Cindy auditioned for the Better U Challenge and was chosen. I watched her posts on Facebook and saw her transformation through her pictures.  At the time she started Better U, I had been losing weight during a challenge at work. I lost 20 pounds, through diet and exercise, but when I lost after being ahead most of the contest, I became so discouraged I gave up and gained back everything I had lost plus some! I admit I was jealous of Cindy, but that still didn't give me enough determination to continue on. That was until she let me know the American Heart Association was having auditions for the 2014 Go Red Better U Challenge. When I went to the challenge I had the picture of Cindy and I all dressed up for Rocky Horror in my pocket. Cindy was there helping with the auditions. I had not seen her in person since she had started her Better U journey and I was in awe of how good she looked and how full of energy she was. 

What a difference a year makes! 

 Seeing that Cindy can do this is motivation for me. Since she is a Better U alumni, she will help with certain events for this year's challenge and be a mentor. I can't think of a better role for her. I am looking forward to the day when we can recreate our Rocky Horror picture and maybe be brave enough to do the bikini one! 




This isn't the end of my friendship tale though - as the song says, "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver, and the other gold." Through the Better U Challenge I have made new friends that inspire me, motivate me, challenge me, and encourage me. I hope that after the Challenge is over in a few short weeks, that we will remain friends. I need these women in my life, as much as I need Ruth and Cindy in my life. I hope that I can as good a friend to these awesome ladies as they have been to me! 

Daddy's Girl

May 2, 1984, part of my heart left me when my Daddy died. My parent's story is somewhat similar to mine and Eugene's. They had been high school sweethearts, broke up, but remained friends, Mom even married one of Dad's best friends.  Elden Ferris was born July 11, 1921, and Grace Neidholt was born November 13, 1923, so they are part of the Greatest Generation. The generation that survived the Great Depression, served admirable in World War II, and created the Baby Boom. My Dad served in the South Pacific, mostly stationed on the Philippine Islands, as an Army TEC4 Medical Specialist. 

After returning from WWII, Dad got married and had 2 sons and 2 daughters. His wife passed away when the kids were still young. Mom had lost her first husband, Dad's friend, in WWII, and was left with a young daughter. She married again and had 3 boys, then divorced. Dad worked as a claims adjuster at Social Security and saw Mom's name come up on a claim for survivor benefits, so he contacted her (I know it wasn't very ethical, but this was the early 1960's!) They married and I came along a couple of years later. Mom was 40, Dad was 42, and my half-siblings ranged in age from 20 to 7, when I was born. The only way I ever remember my Dad looking was bald, with a little white hair, and fat. But he was intelligent and so cool! 

Dad retired from Social Security when I was 7 years old. Growing up, he was the only Dad that went on the school field trips, this was in the 1970's, so that was very rare. All the kids wanted to ride with me because my Dad was going and he was fun! My Dad taught me to love all kinds of music and always took an interest in the music I liked as a teenager. He loved jazz and some of my most cherished items are the Maynard Ferguson albums I inherited from him. My Dad taught me to love books - he read everything, though his favorite genre was Science Fiction. Another cherished possession is The Hobbit book he gave me when I was 12. Issac Asimov was his favorite author and at a young age I read the Foundation Trilogy and loved it! Dad loved animals, especially cats, which is why I don't ever remember being without a cat in my home.

Dad also struggled with his faith, just as I have so often in my life. Yet he did develop a close relationship with God in his final years. He loved listening to the The Gaithers and Doug Oldham and we saw them perform at our church several times. He Touched Me by Gloria Gaither was one of his favorite songs and was sung at his funeral. 

There are so many good memories I have of my Dad, but there are also sad memories. Dad's health was never good and I always had a feeling growing up that my time with him would be short. We were never well off, though Dad worked hard. Even after he retired, he worked as a night custodian. When I was a teenager, we went through some pretty bad times partly due to my own rebellious, stubborn streak, and partly due to the mental illnesses suffered by both of my parents. No matter what I always knew Daddy loved and supported me. I wanted nothing more than to make him proud of me. 

A few days before my 20th birthday, Dad went to the hospital for surgery for carpel-tunnel syndrome, pretty routine surgery. While they were doing the pre-op, they found out his heart was not strong enough for surgery. The next few days were a blur and my memory has faded, but I do remember all of Dad's kids being there the day he had bypass surgery, which was a miracle in itself since one brother lived in New Mexico, one in Oklahoma, and one sister lived in West Virginia. Dad's surgery was on February 28, 1984, which was my 20th birthday. The surgery seemed to last forever, and when the surgeon finally came out to talk to us, he told us that Dad had suffered a stroke while he was coming out from under the anesthesia. He still felt that Dad would recover, but it would take longer. Dad started showing progress after a week, but then took a turn for the worse. I remember sitting with him in ICU, he couldn't talk because he had a tracheotomy, but we were able to communicate with hand signals and he could write. He wanted me to read his Bible to him. I spent as much time with him as I could after work each day. Finally on May 2, 1984, Dad went home to be with Jesus.  

Mom has always told me that I am built like my Dad. As I have become older, I see more of my Dad in me, not only my attitude, likes and dislikes, but my psychical appearance - thank God I'm not bald though!! I know if I don't make changes now, then I may end up with heart disease like my Dad. Dad never met my children, wasn't there when I graduated from college or started my career, yet so much of what I do is because I still want to make my Daddy proud. On June 14th, I will be participating in the American Heart Association Heart Walk with my Better U Teammates. I invite you to donate or better yet, come join us in the walk! Follow this link for more information: http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1075061&supid=406868056    I will be walking in memory of my Dad, but also to save my own life and make Daddy proud. 

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